Saturday, November 20, 2010

My answer : What do I get out of it?

Atom asked me: "What are you getting out of writing this blog"?

Yesterday, I came to an interesting point in my thinking. I realized that I wanted the non-participating people in this blog to value what I was doing.  But they were, weren't they, by coming at all.  It may not even be their fault if they are incapable of involving themselves in other ways. Some came from foreign countries.  Possibly they were shy about expressing themselves in English.  A lot of people can read English but not so many can write it idiomatically, the way we were doing.  If it wasn't that, it could just be self-consciousness.  It could be people didn't know I would value their input.  When I was young, I didn't have many friends, and when a girl said that she was inviting all the girls in our grade five class to her birthday party, I had to ask her if she really meant me.  That confession is one I have never told anyone until today.  I didn't have the self-esteem to think I would be wanted at that party.  Other people could have those same kind of self-esteem issues. If one of you is reading this, please know that I'm inviting you to this party, and I will like you and enjoy your presence, and that a comment once in a while is all the "presents" I hope for from you.

A cynic could say, I suppose, that those who feel they can't contribute to our blog in other ways could maybe buy my books. Atom, you've ordered three.  That was really nice of you.  It's a great gift, it shows you value what I have done, and it completely makes me aware that you, sitting there quietly without commenting, have understood how hard it was that I worked, and wanted to thank me by buying my books.  I appreciate that very much.  I give all the money the books make to my web-master.  It's his payment.  But I got the present of your appreciation, which is very much appreciated by me in return. 

And the truth is, that I don't really care about what I make as a writer.  I used to make a lot, but it was awfully hard work, and I could have made much, much more every year by teaching math for a living. I wrote books because I loved writing. 

So here I am, back where Atom started.  Why do I write this blog?  What do I get out of it?

What I get out of this blog is the kindness of strangers who care about what happens to me when I'm sick.

What I get out of this blog is the sense that a few people who were complete strangers are becoming friends.

What I get out of this blog is the awareness that I'm really and truly doing my best to help other people do something they want to do.  That is important, to know you've done and are doing your best.

And since my last post,  I got some wonderful responses from Deb and Karen and finally Loretta.  Deb and Karen were stunned, I think, and responded as if I had meant them, which I never did, though of course I was advising them on writing issues, and they couldn't see how they could advise me on such issues.  Once I understood that I hadn't clarified  that that was not  what I wanted in this blog at all, I answered them. I always knew that there would be a "teaching element" in this blog.  I spent a quarter century as a professional writer and you,mostly, haven't.  So how could I start this blog as a writer who wanted to give back, and not expect to teach?

In any case, I never meant them.  The reason I never was unhappy with them (the EXACT opposite was true) was because they commented.  They asked questions.  They made it so easy for me.  I particularly like it when someone doesn't quite understand something I've said and writes to me about it.  I immediately have a topic to use in the blog the next day.  I won't embarrass the one who told me how seriously she took this blog, in that she was going back over all the posts and trying to figure out everything from the beginning, but it was wonderful to me to hear that.  For me, that should have been my immediate answer to Atom.  Giving and receiving were always in balance with the people who commented.  The "giving" from the people making comments on my blog comes from the serious attention to my words (imperfect as they are),  that made them want to make comments.  I think Atom phrased his or her question a bit harshly, making me feel almost as if I had to defend myself for writing the blog in the first place.  "What do YOU get out of it?"  Atom, I'm sure you didn't mean that, but that's how it comes across.  It's one of the reasons this kind of communication is so hard.  People can't hear the laughter or the gentleness or the kindness in the words.  The words have to do it all, and even professional writers fail time and time again at making their own personal words do that.

I would like to post the responses I received from Deb, Karen, and my responses back to them, but that would take up a lot of space.  You should read them, if you are interested, because it shows how badly I expressed myself, and how easy it is to take offense when it isn't meant or aimed at you.  I will post the response I got from Rettakat because she waited, so wise to wait, and she read the whole exchange, and then she came up with a comment that says exactly what it was that I wanted from this blog that I had to look at in the light of Atom's comment. Loretta put it in the context of her own experience and made it a perfect clarification of why I wasn't perfectly able to say that I was getting all I wanted out of this blog.  So please read the next blog.  It's all my blog friend Loretta's words -- and I say again, Loretta, that you could really be a writer professionally, as well as an artist, if you chose.  Picture books?  There are so few people who can both write them and illustrate them.  You might be one.

59 Comments:

At 20 November, 2010 , Blogger Retta said...

I'm happy my comment helped you, I am.

But now I'm slightly embarrassed... and admit I almost have tears when you (a "real" writer I respect) say I could write a picture book.

Last year I wrote a post telling of a dream I've had for umpteen years to write a picture book. I described the story I have in my head, and the outline written out years ago, which gathers dust. I just never found a real writer interested to write it for me.

Well, once again you have "given". And I thank you for the encouragement.

Loretta

 
At 21 November, 2010 , Anonymous Welwyn Wilton Katz said...

Thank you, YOU, Loretta.

Oh, and by the way, you are already a "real" writer.

To be a writer, it takes two kinds of insight: from the outside looking in -- and finding understanding. That is the kind of insight you showed in writing what you did about all those misunderstandings I was having with our wonderful core group.

The second kind of insight is one that allows you to distance your inner emotional self from the inner mental self just a tiny bit, enough to always be reading your own work as if you were someone else *as well as* you. I am certain you have that characteristic with your art, since you so desperately want "real feedback, not just someone to say, oh that's so pretty". You are willing to stand back from your work and try to see it differently. I can't guarantee that that attitude will spread to the verbal aspect of writing, but I do have a strong feeling that it will.

To be a writer it also takes a thoughtful, imaginative, creative way of looking at the world, a noticing of details that does not necessarily make the same "picture" as it would to a non-writer, because writers make new worlds with every story they write. I'm not talking about science fiction here, though it's as true for that as any other form of writing. You know what I mean, I think, by making new worlds.

Please, if you don't, do ask.

To be a *picture book writer* you have to be able to access the real child inside you. You have to be playful, curious, thoughtful, and above all, always existing, while writing, in a sense of wonder. You have to BE the child.

So, pull out that story from your head, toss out the cobwebby outline (you don't need it because the whole story is in your head, and because you've learned so much as both a human being and a thinker since then). Don't die of shock here, but I, a total believer in structure being vitally important while taking a kind of back seat to your own instinct, think that outlines are about as important to a picture book as they are to a poem.

Just write the story.

Minority Report, and most of the things we're going to learn from it, *matters to you as a writer of picture books.* Surprised again?

If you want to know some fatal mistakes made by most failed writers of picture books, we could discuss it.

Meanwhile, get that story out of your brain and start thinking. Where to start? Ah, hard. But we could discuss that too, if you like.

Want to write it online?

I'm going to get my husband to set up his podcasting stuff so that even if you have to write your questions or your stories down, I can speak to them. You'll get so much more out of my talking. And I won't have to work so hard. Benefits all around.

I've given you a lot to think about. Take your time. This will be entirely separate from the Workshop, which won't start up again (I believe it's Deb whose work will be discussed next) until after I recover from the move.

You're not alone here. You're with online friends and you're also with a whole lot of silent but respectful readers who will support you in their hearts. And you are certainly with me. Whatever I can do, I will.

 
At 21 November, 2010 , Blogger Retta said...

All I can say is... wow. You really HAVE given me tons to think about. Some of it resonated, and I thought "yes!". Some of it caused me to re-read it several times, and it's still fuzzy.

Last night, I reminded Jim about my story (he had forgotten), and I told him that I wasn't really interested in becoming a "real" writer. Maybe if I were 30 again... but not now. Yet when YOU describe it, this thing... writing... it changes from "work" into something hard to describe with words. It sparkles... it moves, breathes and wiggles.. it's alive!

I did totally get the part about making new worlds. I go there, and do that with my art. And I enter that world when I read a good book. And I hear it in my sister, Karen, when she radiates enthusiasm for her writing.

But I felt like a... visitor. A guest. An appreciative guest, but still a guest.

And yes, my eyes opened wide when I read to throw out my outline! Eek!

When I think of the story, I think of it visually. I see vague images of the illustrations, as my little characters go on their journey around the world.

Thank you for all this input... I will definitely be thinking on it!
Loretta
=^..^=

 
At 21 November, 2010 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well. Since I was named several times in this post, I guess it's safe for me to assume that some of your words were related to me.

Just to be clear, I did not think the original response to Atom about takers was aimed at me. I did not. I thought that I had been included in the core that you mentioned as being okay since I often comment.

I was not clear, however, on what exactly you meant by your comments. So I asked.

When your respnse asked me to not be angry, I replied that I wasn't angry. That I had decided to delay feeling angry or hurt until I found out what you were talking about. I even made a joke about being able to do that. (Perhaps you didn't get Monk's TV show in Canada?)

So. Didn't take it personally then. Am taking it personally now. You made it sound like I made a hasty comment in anger.

When you clarified your issue regarding lack of comments and participation, I even offered you promotion space on my blog.

So, while you did not offend me originally, you have now. If you want your readers to read a comment that shows how easy it is for someone to take offense--it's this one they need to read, not the one on the original post. Just for clarity's sake, of course.

 
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